Advance Page 14

  “Thank you for telling me. I feel both stupid and adolescent coming to you like this, but I swear I was convincing myself today, when I thought we both would become rat-food, that I’d missed my only chance not to act like such a coward. I was so sure all along that I’d lost something that could potentially be special.” Not sure she was making sense, Spinner waited for Helden’s response.

  “When it comes to Dael and her relationships, I don’t interfere, of course. But I feel I know something about you that most don’t, and though I realize you don’t want to talk about Pamas, your mother, she’s one of the reasons I chose to return your confidence.”

  There went the flutters again. Damn it. “All right. I understand. I think.”

  “Dael isn’t easy to figure out, even for me, but she lets me get away with a lot because we’re close and she’s very loyal to those she cares about.”

  Spinner remembered how Dael had defended her at the party when someone outranking her had virtually accused her of cheating in spin jack. Spinner kicked her shoes off and pulled her legs up. It had been so unexpected, both the insinuation and the defense. She’d been so furious at the implied accusation that she’d come close to launching herself at him. That would have sent her straight to the brig. “She deflected a situation at the party where I might have struck a superior officer.”

  “So she stepped in and kept you from failing yourself.”

  “And her. Which would’ve been worse,” Spinner murmured.

  “I can see why you think so, but I have a feeling Dael would think the opposite. You would’ve beaten yourself up for not controlling your emotions. Something your mother struggled with as well, I might add.”

  Recoiling, Spinner hugged her legs close. “I know.”

  “Your father, what was his first name again?”

  “Helden, please.” Spinner blinked at the second burning sensation of the evening, ready to bolt if the tears actually started falling. After all, there were limits to this weird moment of confessionals.

  “There I go again, being an old busybody. I’m sorry.” Helden rolled closer. “I hope you’ll put up with my moments of poor judgment, Spinner. I actually think we can become good friends, despite the age difference and my affinity for meddling.”

  “I can’t really accuse you of meddling when I’m the one visiting with you.” Spinner smiled weakly. “And I owe you for reassuring me regarding Dael. Which you did, even if I’ll probably find another reason to second-guess her or myself at the first opportunity.”

  “Well, we can’t have that festering.” Helden held up her hand. “You just come knocking here any time you want. I mean that. People will no doubt tell you that I’m a right old bitch, but those I take a liking to will tell you I’m a loyal friend.”

  “They don’t have to tell me that.” Spinner stood and put her shoes on. “I better head for my quarters. It’s been a long day.”

  “I hear you.” Helden grinned. “Just don’t fret alone, all right?”

  “All right.” Impulsively, Spinner bent and kissed Helden’s cheek. “Thank you.”

  “Good night, Aniwyn.”

  “’Night.”

  Outside in the corridor, Spinner stood lost in thought for a moment. Still processing her talk with Helden in the back of her mind, she didn’t care for the idea of going back to her empty quarters and dreaming of venom-spraying, saber-toothed rats. There was really only one place she wanted to be right now. She wanted to make sure Dael was all right, to actually see it with her own eyes.

  Spinner took a fortifying breath and turned in the opposite direction. The worst thing that could happen was that Dael cut her off at the kneecaps and told her to mind her own business, right? Spinner honestly didn’t care. If she irritated Dael by caring, then at least she would know Dael was well enough to become really annoyed.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Spinner thought her heart might just stop from sheer exhaustion before Dael answered the door. It beat so fast it actually hurt, and now she questioned her spontaneous decision to head for Dael’s quarters.

  “Enter.” Dael’s voice sounded strong, which was reassuring, but Spinner still entered with cautious steps.

  “Um. Hello.” Spinner found Dael sitting in a deep-red recliner next to the couch. It had to be her own chair, as it didn’t match the rest of the military-issued furniture. She was dressed in an off-white leisure suit and looked smaller out of uniform, but no less formidable.

  “Commander?” Dael frowned as she moved to get up from the recliner.

  “No, no, don’t get up.” So they were back to titles again? Glancing around, Spinner took in Dael’s private quarters. Large for a military vessel, they held very few personal things, mainly readers, music cubes, and that red chair. “I just wanted to make sure you were all right. Doc wasn’t happy that you bailed from the infirmary.” Spinner didn’t quite know what to do with her hands. She refused to clasp them or do anything that revealing; instead she forced them to relax at her sides.

  “Thank you for…your concern.” Dael sat down again, looking relieved. She moved with care, which made Spinner think she was in more pain than she’d care to admit. “Won’t you sit down? I haven’t had the chance to hear your side of this disastrous recon mission.”

  Happy that she wasn’t immediately dismissed, Spinner sat on the two-seat couch slightly angled from the recliner. Now that she was closer, she could see the bruises marring the left side of Dael’s face. “You didn’t even give Doc a chance to fix those, huh?”

  Dael automatically touched her face. “I know. I should’ve. I just wanted to get out of there so they could focus on the ones who were worse off than I was.” She shrugged. “To be honest, the infirmary isn’t one of my favorite places.”

  “You don’t have to explain that to me. I try to stay clear of it as much as possible.”

  “So, why were you there talking to Doc?” Dael tilted her head in a way that made her look younger than ever.

  Her cheeks warming slightly, Spinner pushed her fingers in under her thighs. It was that or start to fidget. “I was looking for you. The medics yanked you away from me so fast and took you on the evac freighter before I could really assess your wounds. I…I was worried.”

  Dael put the reader away with slow, measured movements. Her eyes seemed darker as she pulled her legs up beneath her. “As you can see, I’m doing quite all right. I just spent some time with Nania, and she also gave me an earful about leaving the infirmary against the doc’s orders.”

  “What was his main concern?” Spinner took her cue from Dael and leaned back on the couch, folding one leg under the other.

  “You’re rather inquisitive. I guess since you were the one to keep me safe when I was down, you’re entitled to ask. Doc thinks I have a concussion, but apart from a headache and some vertigo, I don’t have any of the other symptoms.”

  Increasingly concerned, Spinner shook her head. “But, if there is a risk of concussion, surely you shouldn’t be alone during the night? I’ve suffered enough concussions to know how important it is for someone to check your status every three or four hours.”

  “Yes, the doc was going on about something like that.”

  “And?”

  “And a nurse will come knocking a couple of times tonight.”

  “What if something happens just after they’ve been here?”

  Her eyes narrow slits now, Dael started to look annoyed. “I’ll be fine.”

  “As I see it, you’re going to be here alone.” Spinner knew she risked getting tossed out on her ears, but Dael had admitted she sort of owed her for keeping her out of harm’s way. Perhaps she’d get away with pushing the issue.

  “I could’ve stayed at Nania’s, but she has caregivers with her day and night, tending to her. No way I could get any rest with them tiptoeing through her quarters at all hours.” Dael shook her head dismissively.

  “And the fleet admiral was your only option?”

  Dael looked at her l
ike she wasn’t sure what Spinner meant. “Yes? She’s my only relative aboard. You know this.”

  “Yes, but not your only friend.” Smiling carefully now, Spinner was hoping for Dael to catch on.

  “Friend? I—”

  “I’d like to think we’ve come at least that far, sort of off the record.” Spinner scooted closer. “After all we’ve been through, we’ve come to trust one another, haven’t we?”

  “You’ve put your life on the line for this ship and its crew on several occasions. For me.”

  “No, that’s not what I mean.” She knew Dael was stubborn and not one who let people in easily, but she refused to let Dael take a step, let alone several, back from where they’d come. Not when it might also risk her health. “I mean, you and I. When we’re off duty, we’re becoming friends. Or we were, I think, until the party.”

  Dael’s cheekbones had lost color again, but now they turned pink. “That’s just it. I’m always on duty.”

  “That’s true to a point,” Spinner said, forging on. She shifted even closer, as stealthily as possible. “But, now, tonight, Doc says you shouldn’t be alone and yet you are. Would you allow me, as a friend, to spend the night here so I can check on you? I can call the infirmary and cancel the nurse.”

  Pushing her feet down onto the floor with a thud, Dael frowned. “You—you wish to stay here tonight? To be my medic or something? Fairly out of character, Spinner, wouldn’t you say?” She folded her arms in front of her.

  Spinner knew Dael was trying to keep her distance on all levels, but the words still stung. “Are you telling me you think I’m unfeeling and that I don’t care?” she asked softly.

  “I didn’t say that!”

  “You implied that I couldn’t possibly be a good friend or caring enough to tend to someone who may or may not have a dangerous injury. Not very flattering.” Spinner tried to sound her usual flippant self, but the tremor in her chin was all too real. The only way to cover that up would be to lower her gaze to the floor, and she wasn’t prepared to take her eyes off Dael.

  “For the love of the Creator, I’m sorry.” Gesturing widely with one hand, Dael grimaced and then grabbed her shoulder with the other hand. “Damn.”

  “Please, Dael.” Granted, Dael had asked Spinner to use her first name when they were off the clock, but it still felt presumptuous, even here in Dael’s own quarters. “In addition to me, the rest of the convoy couldn’t bear to lose you. You’re our admiral, our pilot in all this, physically and emotionally. If we didn’t take every precaution to keep you safe, no matter the circumstances, we’d all be worse off. Don’t you see?”

  “Ah, so this is you performing your duty.” Pressing her lips tightly together, Dael glowered, but she seemed too fatigued to put any real emphasis behind her expression.

  “You know better. I’m off the clock. I’m not as tired as you, but not far from it. Today was pretty horrible. Actually, it was disastrous and we lost a good person…We could’ve lost more. We could’ve lost you.” Her throat constricting, Spinner did her best to remain calm. She couldn’t imagine carrying on without Dael, without this impressive, stunning woman, who meant so much no matter how bittersweet it was to admit it. The least she could do was offer to keep Dael safe. Then at least she would have that.

  “I apologize,” Dael said, surprisingly. “I know you worked without rest to get us out of there. I’m not ungrateful, just a grumpy old bitch.” She smiled wryly. “And you still insist on spending the night to be my nurse?”

  “I don’t like the infirmary, and the way they poke and prod you, any more than you do. That’s why I learned as much as I could, to know when I could keep away and not endanger myself—or anyone else. That’s why I know about the procedures regarding potential concussions. Wake the patient up every other hour and check their alert status.”

  “All right.” Dael nodded and seemed to melt back into the recliner. “You may regret the offer when you realize I intend to sleep in this chair. I tried lying down on the bed, but that caused my head to pound enough to make me dizzy.”

  “So I’ll take the couch. I’ve slept in worse places, believe me.”

  “I hesitate to ask.” Dael motioned with her hand across to the cabinets inside the door. “You’ll find more blankets and pillows in there.”

  Spinner got up and crossed the room. “Can I get you another blanket? You look kind of cold.”

  “Yes, please.” Dael sounded surprised. Was she perhaps not used to anyone paying close attention to her wellbeing?

  Spinner returned with her arms full of bedding and pillows. She tucked a soft blue blanket around Dael and made sure the recliner was at a perfect angle for her. After making the couch up with some other blankets, she stood and looked uncertainly at Dael. “Better page the infirmary.” She used the console on the wall next to Dael’s desk. The nurse on call was reluctant at first, but when Spinner offered to put the admiral on, she relented.

  “Just page us if anything’s amiss, Commander. You know the importance of keeping to the protocol when it comes to head trauma.”

  “I certainly do.”

  They disconnected, and even if Spinner was sure she could perform the checkups on Dael, the idea of her deteriorating made her swallow hard. She arranged her features back to appearing calm and assertive. “That’s it, then. All right if I use your bathroom?”

  “You don’t need to ask. Go right ahead. I finished in there just before you knocked on my door. You’ll find what you need—”

  “In the cabinet. I saw.” Smiling briefly, Spinner strode into the bathroom. As she performed her usual ablutions, she examined her reflection. She was dressed similarly to Dael, so she’d be comfortable and ready to move at a moment’s notice in case Dael became ill. She won’t. This is just a precaution.

  “Light at guide level only,” Spinner ordered as she reentered the living area. This way she’d have sufficient light to see Dael, but it would be dark enough for them both to rest. She curled up on the couch after making sure her timepiece was set to wake her in two hours. “Are you comfortable?” she asked in a low voice.

  “Quite.” Dael sounded sleepy.

  “Good. Me too.” The couch was actually very comfortable. Hugging a pillow close, as was her habit, she closed her eyes. The sudden images from the extraction of Dael and her team flickered on the inside of her eyelids, and she snapped them open again.

  “What’s wrong now?” Dael asked, sounding a tad exasperated.

  “Sorry. Nothing. Just go to sleep. I’ll—I’ll read a bit first, I think.” Spinner reached into her pocket and pulled out a data tablet. Browsing, she chose a book she’d started two nights ago and began to read.

  *

  Dael was shivering and someone was nudging her insistently. She tried to move away from them and tug at her blankets at the same time. The jungle had been so damn hot. How the hell could she be so cold now?

  “Dael. Answer me. Tell me your full name, rank, and IDSEC number. Come on. Don’t force me to call Doc. He’ll have you transported back to the infirmary on the spot.”

  “Spinner?” Dael opened her eyes and squinted in the dim light of her quarters. Right. Spinner was here to check on her. Was she cold too? She didn’t look cold—just very tired.

  “Dael Samdalari Caydoc, admiral in the Oconodian fleet, ID number 549-DD-22.” Her voice trembled, but the words came out easily enough.

  “Thank the Creator. I really didn’t want to infuriate you by dragging you back to the infirmary.” Spinner leaned closer and felt Dael’s forehead. “You’re cold. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You didn’t ask me that. You wanted my name, rank, and—”

  “Yeah, yeah. We have to get you warm again.” Spinner frowned and tapped her lower lip. “Would you be able to recline on the couch next to me? For warmth?”

  Dael jerked. “On the couch…with you?”

  “Yes. For warmth. Basic survival training, remember?” Spinner had the audacity to smirk. “Shar
ed bodily warmth.”

  “Or we could raise the interior temperature of my quarters.” Going for haughty, Dael pulled the blankets up under her chin, though she did feel rather silly while doing it. Like some ridiculous damsel in distress.

  “We could do that, but the temperature is actually normal in here, so I don’t think it’s entirely physical. You’re probably having a delayed reaction to the trauma.”

  “It wasn’t my first time being in danger, you know.” Dael sighed impatiently. She rubbed her temples, losing track of the blankets.

  “Of course I know. I’ve read your bio. I just don’t get why you won’t let me help you. You fight me every step of the way.” Shaking her head, Spinner simply pushed the blankets away and held out her hand. “Come here. You’ll be fine, and maybe I’ll finally be able to sleep some.”

  “You can’t sleep?” Concerned now, Dael took a closer look at Spinner. She had dark circles under her eyes and her shoulders slumped some, which was far from how the normally feisty Spinner appeared.

  “I know you’re tough as nails, but when I close my eyes I keep seeing those damn rats racing toward you.” Spinner sighed. “Please, Dael.”

  The vulnerability in Spinner’s voice made it impossible to refuse. Sighing, Dael scooted over to the couch. “All right, Aniwyn. Let’s camp out on the couch, though I need to half sit.”

  “Me too. No problem.” Eagerly, Spinner arranged pillows and blankets so they both could lean comfortably on the deep couch. “Turn on your side just a little bit, like that, yes.” Spinner shifted behind Dael, and then it was like a soft, wonderfully scented furnace snuggled up. A lanky, toned arm wrapped around Dael’s midsection and held her close without pressing too hard. “Comfortable?”

  “Very.” Dael had no idea how, but she was. Spinner was warm against her back, and the distant stars streaking by at magnetar drive speed were such a beautiful sight through the small view port. “I think I can go back to sleep.”